You think you might be prepared. I did.

There are events and occasions in life that people prepare for. Marriage, a family, moving, the impending apocalypse, what have you. Some people will meticulously try and prepare for such things so they have control, aren't surprised by financial snafu's or just because they are organized people. I've never considered my self a well organized person or obsessive, but planning to have a family or get married seemed to be "fly by the seat of my pants" events in my life. More recently or current for that matter has been buying a home. I know several people who have bought homes, my parents, sister, my in-laws and cousins of both sides of mine & my husbands families. As much as we feel we researched and educated our selves, we didn't seem to know our asses from our elbows on the matter. 

Was it some kind of secret or is the experience just that different from person to person? No one told us that buying a home whether new or used was going to cost us so much time, patience and especially money. We've spent an insurmountable time looking at homes, online, open houses, on paper. While that might be a varied experience, the technical stuff is just the same. The amount of money spent on inspections, getting the home appraised, appliances and just the down payment alone. I can simply put it this way, if you are looking to buy a home, you can easily save your self headaches, anxiety and stress by saving at least 10% of the cost of your top budget. Now a days you don't have to pay that much for a down payment unless you can afford it. It really isn't necessary. But if you are like many first time buyers that can be backed my a government loan, your looking at 3.5% - 4%, so the rest can be applied to your inspection fees, appliances and utility costs.

That would have saved me and the Mr. some time, stress and a couple of small arguments. Why was it that no one could tell us that? I think of a few people when I mention this only because they have gone through this same process just recently, considering the laws have not changed since then. I guess on the other hand I can understand that people don't want to seem pushy or like know it all's. I know there are places to educate you out there, but most of those places cater more towards poverty stricken or low income applicants. I feel better knowing that I can now pass on the information I have learned to those who follow us in seeking to own property. They say that it's the biggest investment, and most important decision you can make. I agree, but why must it be so hard? The heart ache of looking through homes, picking a few you might like to view, and the one you like and can see your self building a family in or growing old either has problems, already had offers, or you just can't afford it.

I have quickly learned that there are several things you do not want to hear when purchasing a home. "Short sale", "foundation problems", "electrical problems" are among a few. The fun part is imaging your self decorating or just settling in, but then you get to the inspection and all you see is multiplying dollar signs. Not in that good way that Scrooge McDuck would get and then swim around in his money vault, but the type where you can see your bank account dwindle and your pockets turn out with nothing but lint and a used piece of gum wrapper crumpled up left. My rant isn't about money really, yes I know that's what it sounds like, but it's about preparedness. Emotional roller-coaster, rejection, disappointment or worry is a given I know, but a heads up is greatly appreciated. 

I suppose the aftermath of purchasing a home easily erases the stress, worry, and doubt and a sense of relief quickly veils it with ownership, responsibility and then HOLY CRAP! ...mortgage, insurance,  and the like. Safe to assume that these people are busy worrying about property taxes and how they are going to adjust to remember all the trauma they just went through to get to that next stage of debt. Why am I so eager to get into debt my self? Probably a question I can answer once I actually have a home of my own to live in. My husband might have a different answer, or it could the be same but I know we are ready, just not prepared.

So here is to all those who have taken this journey, and especially for the many more to plan your trip. I hope you were/are more prepared than I was.

I just changed my future.

I casually stated to my husband today while clipping a few coupons, that I have a fear of becoming one of those ladies carrying around an 8lb binder with coupons, on that massively overly popular show. This simply cannot happen for several reasons.

• This would simply take up too much room. Room I/we do not have.
• I see it as wasteful. I would have to buy more food in 1 week than I could eat in a year.
• I am not the type of person that can eat the same thing every day. I cry everyday eating a simple ham/turkey sandwich just to save money or cut down on portions. 

That last statement isn't a lie. It's not really about the money. I simply do this to try and maintain my moral up with this "diet" my husband and I have been on for the last 6 months. The weight is slowly coming off... FOR ME! However my now svelte looking husband is over come with compliments about his new figure when we come into contact with people we haven't seen in a while. Grrr, men!! That might be my next post. For now i'm still over weight, only clip coupons that can fit into a small purse and that are for a weeks worth of groceries. Obsessive future me saved! Whew. No Doc Brown needed.

Sacrifice vs. Compromise Round 1

Recent events have had me thinking lately. When you are in a committed relationship, where does compromise end and sacrifice begin? Are these two, one in the same? I could easily look up the definition of the two and come to my own conclusion, but I think for this topics sake I can safely say that it's left up to interpretation of the individual.The church considers marriage a safe, equal, loving joining of two people. I guess that could be the general consensus as far as government, other than the many states that are set back in their old ways that don't consider same-sex marriage to be legal. But I digress.

When a couple, any couple disagree on a pretty major subject but still have love in the relationship, who backs down? People argue over infidelity, finances, religion, sports, cooking, chores, children, many things. But when is enough enough?  My parents divorced when I was pretty young, and the only thing I could understand was that mom was always mad, and dad didn't seem to have a care in the world. Trying to understand an event like this through 7 year old eyes doesn't make the whole process any easier. I doesn't really get any better over years, until you get to the point where you have petty relationship problems of your own. Even more so is this apparent now that I am married and have arguments of my own, some mundane, meaningless, and some pretty major. It's my understanding that every relationship is different and how each couple deals with qualms in a marriage, or partnership equally differs.Personally I am not one for marriage or couples counseling, but I do understand that an outside, third party might bring some insight that might not have come to light. Let's get deeper into this issue and give it some filling, if you will. Kind of like a doughnut that hasn't been filled with jelly yet. Sorry, too much coffee makes me jittery and my mind jumps around.

I have never been squeamish about sharing personal issues as long as it might help insight some one else. So here we go! My husband and I have been considering IVF. That's Invitro Fertilization for those whom aren't reproductively challenged. After a procedure that solidified my inability to have children of my own, the subject and chance to try IVF with a surrogate has come up. Actually it was very scary to me how easily everything from fertilization clinics to surrogates, even some money just fell on our laps for the entire process. While there are many reasons to try this course of action, I tend to lean on the con's side of why we should fore go IVF. I've made a list of both sides, positives, and negatives, it comes out with just one more negative issue... Money. Essentially in my eyes, I am purchasing a baby. This purchase comes with more interest than a mortgage, it will also add on more costs, sleep deprivation, hunger issues, questionable hygiene and cleanliness sacrifices and the majority of an annual income in more than a few ways. Sure these are all the negatives. I focus on these because there are women out there that would have you try and forget about the bags and circles under your eyes, puke stains on your shoulder, diaper smell clinging to your clothes and try and envision that kids are all sunshine, giggles and hugs. Just because I don't have any of my own doesn't mean I don't know they aren't angels.

I've only had one person give me a completely honest opinion about the horror a child can bring when you're ill prepared. Most other people have long forgotten the 10-16 diaper changes a day, how hard naps and bedtimes can be, tantrums, and lets not forget the fact that they used to have privacy and an intimate life. These people are beaten down and have been inadvertently brain washed by their children to think that a normal healthy sex life isn't necessary after having kids. That or there just isn't enough energy to attempt one?

So who backs down? Does the list of "pro's and con's" win, does paper evidence only work in courts? Or is do the old adages ring true? "The heart wants what it wants", or "follow your heart." My dilemma with this is that one person might end up living a life of regret and or resentment. Is something so major reason to go separate ways, or move on with your life? Or is disagreeing on something this life-changing part of the definition of marriage?

Ding! Let's see who wins this round? I can already feel the stinging punch in the gut and bruising.