There's a saying out there that goes like this: "Friends are the family you didn't get to choose". Or, "Family are like friends that you wouldn't normally choose". Either of them are understandably offensive, but speak some truth. We don't get to choose our family which can be both a blessing and a curse. Friends, true friends are often confidants, and from what I've seen can have a closer relationship than siblings. I have a nice big handful of brothers and sisters and I really only feel close with their kids. I have a completely different lifestyle than they do. I am married, don't have children, and basically express my self as openly as I feel I can with out stepping on toes. My spouse and I are close, we know each other, and were very good friends before we got seriously involved. My siblings are neither married, have plenty of kids between then all and pretty much wake up to the same rat race most of the American population does. This, to me, divides us because neither one of us can understand each other. However our (husband and I) friends seem to share the same values and ironically many of them are also childless. I know this wouldn't normally mean that I couldn't have a close relationship with my sisters or brothers, but sadly in my situation it is.
I admit I have had a rather rough childhood up until I was into my very early 20's. I was a different person growing up than the person I grew up to be. Everyone is, that's what growing up means. I grew up surrounded by people, never really having any privacy. Constantly having a little sister or brother following me around like my own personal shadow. But what really changed my perception and values was how I dealt with personal relationships. Like any normal young person, I dated my share of crazy people, out of my league people, and people that just came along at the wrong time. I got hurt and dusted my self off like any other person would, but each time I took a little lesson with me. With that lesson I grew a bit of callous. Four or five relationships/lessons later and I built a nice wall of past lovers "screw ups" for my self and stood behind it. Every person who tried to get through failed and it finally took my own loneliness and rejection to let someone through. Having gone through some pretty expected, by any one's standards, life lessons helped me realize when people around me were going through similar events. I would spot the red flags and try to rescue my sisters or brothers like a knight in shining armor. I expected them to just follow behind me like they always did. My little shadows, mimicking every step, and keeping pace. Only to my disappointment, they wouldn't listen. This took at least a few dozen times for me to realize that they no longer hung on my every word, or did as I told them, because "I'm the oldest".
I realize now that everyone needs to follow their own path, and I did the same when I wouldn't listen to "advice" my family would give me about the abusive relationship they thought I was headed into. My friends some how would all sympathize with the same mistakes or life lessons more than my siblings would. Everyone has their own lessons, but just because they are the same route doesn't mean the destination is. When it comes to my brothers and sisters, I think I stick to being attached to my nieces and nephews, and not so much a knight for their cause. My friends however, I will always be there for, because it seems our destinations seem to be one in the same. That is essentially why we choose them, right?
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