Family and friends. One in the same?

There's a saying out there that goes like this: "Friends are the family you didn't get to choose". Or, "Family are like friends that you wouldn't normally choose".  Either of them are understandably offensive, but speak some truth. We don't get to choose our family which can be both a blessing and a curse. Friends, true friends are often confidants, and from what I've seen can have a closer relationship than siblings. I have a nice big handful of brothers and sisters and I really only feel close with their kids. I have a completely different lifestyle than they do. I am married, don't have children, and basically express my self as openly as I feel I can with out stepping on toes. My spouse and I are close, we know each other, and were very good friends before we got seriously involved.  My siblings are neither married, have plenty of kids between then all and pretty much wake up to the same rat race most of the American population does. This, to me, divides us because neither one of us can understand each other. However our (husband and I) friends seem to share the same values and ironically many of them are also childless. I know this wouldn't normally mean that I couldn't have a close relationship with my sisters or brothers, but sadly in my situation it is. 

I admit I have had a rather rough childhood up until I was into my very early 20's. I was a different person growing up than the person I grew up to be. Everyone is, that's what growing up means. I grew up surrounded by people, never really having any privacy. Constantly having a little sister or brother following me around like my own personal shadow. But what really changed my perception and values was how I dealt with personal relationships. Like any normal young person, I dated my share of crazy people, out of my league people, and people that just came along at the wrong time. I got hurt and dusted my self off like any other person would, but each time I took a little lesson with me. With that lesson I grew a bit of callous. Four or five relationships/lessons later and I built a nice wall of past lovers "screw ups" for my self and stood behind it. Every person who tried to get through failed and it finally took my own loneliness and rejection to let someone through. Having gone through some pretty expected, by any one's standards, life lessons helped me realize when people around me were going through similar events. I would spot the red flags and try to rescue my sisters or brothers like a knight in shining armor. I expected them to just follow behind me like they always did. My little shadows, mimicking every step, and keeping pace. Only to my disappointment, they wouldn't listen. This took at least a few dozen times for me to realize that they no longer hung on my every word, or did as I told them, because "I'm the oldest". 

I realize now that everyone needs to follow their own path, and I did the same when I wouldn't listen to "advice" my family would give me about the abusive relationship they thought I was headed into. My friends some how would all sympathize with the same mistakes or life lessons more than my siblings would. Everyone has their own lessons, but just because they are the same route doesn't mean the destination is. When it comes to my brothers and sisters, I think I stick to being attached to my nieces and nephews, and not so much a knight for their cause. My friends however, I will always be there for, because it seems our destinations seem to be one in the same. That is essentially why we choose them, right?

It's all in the way you look at it.

Been a while. Been busy, ya know what they say. "Life is what happens when you're busy making plans." Well been doing lot's of crafty things, raising a toddler (for my sister, not for me thanks) and generally just trying my best to make the best of my life. 

Since I've last blogged, no house. It's been a long nauseating roller-coaster ride that I don't care too much for, but if I want my own house it seems unreachable. Pft! First there's all the anxiety and then you over-come it and step into excitement, back to feeling anxiety, then well... we experienced disappointment. So a semi-detatched home that was in great condition and priced just right for us was within our grasp. Then it came down to the appraisal and when it came out to be less expensive there came this heavenly light shining down upon us. So we thought. The owners didn't want to sell it for $5k less than the asking price, so they backed out of the deal and left us slack jawed and found wanting. SHIT.

It's Christmas time, we just celebrated Thanksgiving and it went well. It didn't leave me thinking we should have gone out of town, for once. I guess I did well at letting small little pricks of insults from family and friends roll off my back. Or was it the wine? According to the nice headache I woke up to Friday morning... it was the wine. No "Black Friday" shopping for us, thankfully. Maybe it was the lack of screaming, crying children this year at an event I attended? My saying of grace should have included my sincerest thanks to the families of small obnoxious, colicky kids that stayed home or were late enough that I slipped out quickly into the evening. How empowering, to be the Childless Super Heroin, not the one I need but the one I deserve to be! Wink wink. ;) My apologies for my comic book geeky-ness taking over me. 

Well let's see how this holiday season goes. I might have to check into a "hotel", or sedate my self after. Who knows, I might enjoy my self? My nephews and nieces are getting older and therefore easier to keep content so Aunty Venus can have some "adult time". It also affords time for my hypochondria to present it's self. 

There was something my aunt said to me several month's back about those bright red beauty mark type of hemangiomas. She told me that they can be linked to cancer. That dreaded "C" word. Well I am personally familiar with it, and it wasn't a very serious case, but no one really ever wants to hear that you could possibly getting cancer. I've done research and there really isn't any evidence that they are related, in fact it could just be part of aging. I guess having had cancer cells before just keeps my mind sharp to the possibility that I could just be one of those unlucky persons whom have the genetics to carry cancer cells.  I guess I should go to the dermatologist before I start picking out caskets. Don't worry I'm not that type of person. I just have a knack for planning for the worst and hoping for the best. It helps my outlook be that much sunnier.

Whoops, Starving Makes You Forget

So, it's been over a week since my last blog. I'd like to use the excuse that I died from starvation from my detox diet, but it's completely untrue. I just kept chuggin along and followed the diet through. I lost 9 pounds, had plenty of energy and was really proud of my self most importantly. I learned something about my self in these past two weeks, I don't eat enough fruit, regardless of how much I think I eat, it isn't enough. I need to step it up on the veggies though, I'm convinced that I really do like vegetables.

I still have some frozen tupperwares of the cabbage soup since I made so much, and I fully intend to eat them up for lunch and try to keep adding more fresh fruit and vegetables. 

Just when things started to seem difficult and negative, I think I'm seeing some light at the end of this long tunnel. Moral of the story is, "If I can do this and lose almost 10 lbs, so can you!" Having a very low active thyroid is no longer going to hinder my self worth and determination.

Day three of Hell

Ok so my title is a bit on the strong side, but since I skipped Day 2, it's a pretty good insight to how it has been going for me. Looking back again after 2 and a half days of this detox, I can say I am both excited and frustrated, to put it nicely.

By the end of Day 1 I had a headache from lack of caffeinated drinks, I woke up feeling a tad ill that morning and well just the entire day was met with discomfort. Day 2 went a bit smoother. I had a bit more prep time to do since I just wanted to eat raw vegetables today with the exception of the baked potato in the morning. That really did hit the spot. Soup and salad with my a dressing I made from olive oil, lemon, pepper and a tad bit of garlic powder. I was full and happy enough that I didn't eat the carrot sticks I prepared for my self until I needed an afternoon snack. I begged and pleaded with my husband to let me have an ice cream, or a chunk of steak. I gave dirty looks and threatedned him with bodily harm. I was pretty grouchy most of the evening, but it could have been stress brought on by family or house hunting. I mustered up energy and had soup and steamed broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots for dinner, it was amazing. I went to bed on time last night and I slept through the night with the exception of having to use the restroom after the 2 glasses I drank before bed.

I woke up early and had a slight twinge in my back this morning. I usually feel overly sleepy when I wake up for a good 30-45 minutes. Today it was better but not in a ready to run a marathon, dancing on rooftops, or "I am now a morning person" way. My pants are fitting better and I am thankful for that but the best improvement I can describe was my mood. I wasn't craving donuts, chocolate, coffee, I also wasn't irritated at any small thing or all the food commercials on the t.v. I am looking forward to tomorrow, although I don't think I can eat 8 bananas, but it should be a breeze.

Not sure if it's related but my skins appearance has improved and well here comes the gross part >.>.>
Bowel movements are a huge improvement! I wont go into details but all around it is way more pleasant. 

Skepticism Put To The Test

 I saw a pretty popular blog about a 7 day detox diet. I've seen them before, hell my parents have tried them before. I never really give them any thought and basing it on what i've heard or seen they don't really work for losing weight. Maybe for cleaning your system out and getting a fresh start maybe? I never heard any one really rave about it being the greatest way to feel refreshed and energized. I think every one who has ever tried it probably feels the same about it that I do. Why bother going through all that trouble if I don't see weight loss after?

 So here I am day 1 of this detox after being negative about it and wondering what exactly had I gotten my self into. I figured, "what the hell? Everything else I have tried up until my now hasn't worked". If my thyroid has my metabolism in a lazy state, maybe if I starve it of enough calories, carbs and protein it might get up and retaliate?

 Like I said, I am on day 1 of my diet and it's nothing but fruit today with the exception of cabbage soup. After a rough night with stomach cramps and less sleep than I would have liked, I woke up grumpy at the thought of not getting my sweet coffee this morning. Quite the contrary yesterday after I prepared about 4lbs of fruit salad and one giant pot of cabbage soup to last for 7 days, I kept thinking, "I can do this no problem, why do people complain about this when you can have as much fruit and soup that you want?" I'd like to kick my yesterday self in the ass just once as a wake up.

 I'm not sure to blame the lack of sleep or the stomach ache on my fatigue since it's only been 1 day, but I can can hear my stomach complaining of hunger and that's definitely not my fault. The soup was good and filling for the first two hours, now I just feel empty, regardless of the 2 liters of water I've drank in just half a day. I'm not excited about what day 2 will bring, but I am way too intrigued about how I'll feel after this is complete next week.  I expect my pants to be slightly loose, at the very least! If I can sleep better after the 7 days I'll be satisfied, will I do it again? Probably not. Who knows, It's only day one and let's see how my skepticism holds up.

You think you might be prepared. I did.

There are events and occasions in life that people prepare for. Marriage, a family, moving, the impending apocalypse, what have you. Some people will meticulously try and prepare for such things so they have control, aren't surprised by financial snafu's or just because they are organized people. I've never considered my self a well organized person or obsessive, but planning to have a family or get married seemed to be "fly by the seat of my pants" events in my life. More recently or current for that matter has been buying a home. I know several people who have bought homes, my parents, sister, my in-laws and cousins of both sides of mine & my husbands families. As much as we feel we researched and educated our selves, we didn't seem to know our asses from our elbows on the matter. 

Was it some kind of secret or is the experience just that different from person to person? No one told us that buying a home whether new or used was going to cost us so much time, patience and especially money. We've spent an insurmountable time looking at homes, online, open houses, on paper. While that might be a varied experience, the technical stuff is just the same. The amount of money spent on inspections, getting the home appraised, appliances and just the down payment alone. I can simply put it this way, if you are looking to buy a home, you can easily save your self headaches, anxiety and stress by saving at least 10% of the cost of your top budget. Now a days you don't have to pay that much for a down payment unless you can afford it. It really isn't necessary. But if you are like many first time buyers that can be backed my a government loan, your looking at 3.5% - 4%, so the rest can be applied to your inspection fees, appliances and utility costs.

That would have saved me and the Mr. some time, stress and a couple of small arguments. Why was it that no one could tell us that? I think of a few people when I mention this only because they have gone through this same process just recently, considering the laws have not changed since then. I guess on the other hand I can understand that people don't want to seem pushy or like know it all's. I know there are places to educate you out there, but most of those places cater more towards poverty stricken or low income applicants. I feel better knowing that I can now pass on the information I have learned to those who follow us in seeking to own property. They say that it's the biggest investment, and most important decision you can make. I agree, but why must it be so hard? The heart ache of looking through homes, picking a few you might like to view, and the one you like and can see your self building a family in or growing old either has problems, already had offers, or you just can't afford it.

I have quickly learned that there are several things you do not want to hear when purchasing a home. "Short sale", "foundation problems", "electrical problems" are among a few. The fun part is imaging your self decorating or just settling in, but then you get to the inspection and all you see is multiplying dollar signs. Not in that good way that Scrooge McDuck would get and then swim around in his money vault, but the type where you can see your bank account dwindle and your pockets turn out with nothing but lint and a used piece of gum wrapper crumpled up left. My rant isn't about money really, yes I know that's what it sounds like, but it's about preparedness. Emotional roller-coaster, rejection, disappointment or worry is a given I know, but a heads up is greatly appreciated. 

I suppose the aftermath of purchasing a home easily erases the stress, worry, and doubt and a sense of relief quickly veils it with ownership, responsibility and then HOLY CRAP! ...mortgage, insurance,  and the like. Safe to assume that these people are busy worrying about property taxes and how they are going to adjust to remember all the trauma they just went through to get to that next stage of debt. Why am I so eager to get into debt my self? Probably a question I can answer once I actually have a home of my own to live in. My husband might have a different answer, or it could the be same but I know we are ready, just not prepared.

So here is to all those who have taken this journey, and especially for the many more to plan your trip. I hope you were/are more prepared than I was.

I just changed my future.

I casually stated to my husband today while clipping a few coupons, that I have a fear of becoming one of those ladies carrying around an 8lb binder with coupons, on that massively overly popular show. This simply cannot happen for several reasons.

• This would simply take up too much room. Room I/we do not have.
• I see it as wasteful. I would have to buy more food in 1 week than I could eat in a year.
• I am not the type of person that can eat the same thing every day. I cry everyday eating a simple ham/turkey sandwich just to save money or cut down on portions. 

That last statement isn't a lie. It's not really about the money. I simply do this to try and maintain my moral up with this "diet" my husband and I have been on for the last 6 months. The weight is slowly coming off... FOR ME! However my now svelte looking husband is over come with compliments about his new figure when we come into contact with people we haven't seen in a while. Grrr, men!! That might be my next post. For now i'm still over weight, only clip coupons that can fit into a small purse and that are for a weeks worth of groceries. Obsessive future me saved! Whew. No Doc Brown needed.